Still procrastinating. And blogging about marks and assignments. And hormones. Damn those hormones.

Now it's eleven o'clock. And I haven't written another word on that assignment that's due tomorrow.

I can't think of anything. I feel like I wanna cry.

Sometimes it's like I'm useless at music. Why am I choosing it as a senior subject again?

Urgh. I enjoy it but the theory - reduces me to tears. I try so hard to remember it, and when everyone around me is so good at it, it irritates me because I should be good at it, because everyone expects me to be good at it.

Scratch that - everyone expects me to be good at everything. To get an A in this, an A in that. And I expect it from myself, too!

Sometimes I want a little bit less of; "oh, Alex got an A again," and a bit more, "Wow, well done! You got an A! How did you do it?"

Because people say well-done, but it just feels like a polite motion they're going through. Like when you say "How are you," to someone, even though you can clearly see them with your own two eyes.

I'm guilty of it too, and I know it - but I don't know what else to say! I don't want to offend someone by commenting the wrong thing on their mark.

Look, I know I'm sounding pretty vain right now, pining for more praise when I get it all the time, but screw you. I mean, don't screw you, but screw you if you think I actually have that over-inflated ego I joke about.

Because I don't. I act like I do, but I don't.

It feels horrible when someone comes up to me and says stuff like," I wish I was as smart as you!" and stuff like that. Because I'm not smart. I just try; really, really hard.

Oh look, now I am crying. Damn. My period must be due soon - my latest posts have been very varied in emotion. Damn periods. Damn hormones. Damn damn damn.

And damn assignments, while you're at it. Because I've still got the rest of the assignment to inevitably churn out. And I can only procrastinate for so long. Now it's 11:30pm.

~Me~

Because now my throat hurts. And it's all your fault. Well it's not, but I feel like blaming somebody. Just cause. It doesn't actually make me feel better. Perhaps it makes me feel less guilty about my procrastination.

Because yes, although it turned out more emotional than a wedding, this post was initially meant as a tool of procrastination. Which it still is.

Which is why I'm writing this really long note at the end of it. Which is why I must now post it and log off. And also turn the internet off to prevent further temptation.

And I must also remove all paper and pens from the immediate vicinity, for fear of my hand starting to stray from the keyboard and start doodling random sketches.

Bye bye.